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Creating the Sex Life You Want


Photo by Nick Morrison on Unsplash

Sex is one of those things in life that is so common, we all experience it,  yet it’s so unique that we all experience it differently. Even growing into our bodies, learning how they function and properly caring for ourselves can look different for each person. Many of us grew up having questions about our bodies but few had those questions answered. That doesn’t mean in our adulthood we should struggle to find a sexual wellness routine that works for us. It’s never too late to discover the answers to those lingering questions. I want to share with you a list of the things I’ve learned to help me not only understand what sexual wellness can look like but also how to truly enjoy sex.

  1. Ask the Hard Questions

We all get a little shy at times, whether it be with our doctors, friends or partners – it can be difficult asking for what we need. I encourage you to do it anyway. Being responsible about your sexual health goes beyond practicing safe sex and getting tested for diseases, however, both of those should be at the top of your sexual wellness practice. Don’t forget that annual exams are important too. It’s your chance to ask all the questions, even the ones you think are too weird, gross or embarrassing. Your doctor is prepared for it all.  Also, if there are any changes or discomfort in your body it’s always better to rule out possible medical issues before exploring solutions. If healthcare is limited, there are resources available, you just have to reach out to your local providers. The point is, listen to your body and don’t neglect selfcare.

If your questions aren’t health related, seeking out trusted friends can help give great peace of mind. As a woman, I was surprised yet relieved when I realized I wasn’t the only one of my girlfriends who was not well prepared for her period or had a clue about what the benefits of masturbation could really be. Building up a community where you can exchange stories and advice can make all the difference not only in your sexual health but mental health as well. 

Don’t hesitate to communicate with your partner about any likes, dislikes or experiences you want to share together.  Breaking out of your comfort zone can be liberating in many ways and lead to things like them finally understanding which erogenous zone you prefer to have stimulated. If you’re not even sure what the answer to that is, then all the more reason to get talking and connecting with them in new ways.

  1. Explore a Little and Then Explore Some More

How do you know what you like? Have you always liked those things? Chances are, you won’t know until you try it. From flirting to foreplay and beyond, there are endless options for pleasure and excitement. Some of those options might not even require another person. Some of those things might not even have to do with sex itself but it makes you feel confident and sexy, and that is what fuels your sex life. Get to know yourself well by pleasuring yourself well. I mean that in every sense of the word, in and out of the bedroom. I realized that the more connected I get with myself the easier it is for me to teach someone else how to satisfy my needs. 

Take time to figure out what you truly enjoy. Try out the lingerie you think is cute but feel like it’s pointless to buy because it’s going to end up on the floor. If it makes you feel comfortable and seductive, even if you’re wearing it just for yourself, it’s worth the effort! If dressing up really isn’t your thing, try being naked. How often do you sit with yourself or your partner completely naked? Not only are there physical benefits for you to sleep naked but that type of vulnerability is what brings closer connections. Learn to love all versions of yourself and the things your body responds to. 

You could also try introducing new toys or games into your sex play. Make a bucket list of places to be intimate or new positions to try. Maybe if you’re a take charge type of person, let your partner take the lead or vice versa. If the thought of something excites you, it’s worth trying at least once. The goal is to create new possibilities for pleasure, so keep an open mind.

  1. Nourish Your Body Inside and Out

When taking care of your sexual health it would be helpful to take a look at your overall health. There are many outside factors that can have an effect on our bodies and in turn on our sex lives. What we consume and how active we are can influence libido and the hormones needed for our sex organs to function at their best. Although each person’s health is unique to them, there are general things you can do to keep your energy up and your sexlife active. If you often feel too tired for sex or like it’s more work than it’s worth, that’s a sign you’re body may need some extra nourishment.

Staying hydrated is one of the simplest yet effective ways to maintain good health. Water plays a major role in flushing out what the body doesn’t need and the benefits of it affect the way we look and feel. Herbal teas are a great way to maintain hydration as well. Many herbs can be used as a supplement included in your sexual wellness practice. Maca root, tongkat ali, and sea moss are just a few that are known to help with libido, balance out hormone levels and enhance fertility. You can research the various herbs and decide what would be best for you.

Movement is also key in keeping our bodies healthy. Getting even just 30 minutes of sweating in a day is a great start. Gym or no gym, just find an activity that brings your body joy. Working out is not a punishment, it’s designed to keep your body energized and in good condition. If there are certain position during sex that feel uncomfortable or are just too difficult to do, I recommend choosing activities that will help you target those problems. Make it sexy and fun! Pole dancing, twerking and kundalini yoga are all examples of ways you can tap into your sexual energy while also working up a sweat. 

I share these three tips because they have been the most useful in helping me cultivate a healthy sex life. Giving your body the kind of care it needs to thrive may look different for you. The important thing is to take an honest look at yourself and decide what you want your sexual wellness to look like. Get creative and do your research, find what fuels your body and soul.

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Thankfully there are plenty of resources now where you can educate yourself on sites that provides video courses from experts in various sexual wellness practices. They make it simple and take the confusion out of finding what works for you.



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